The Toilet Seat Problem: Revisited

You know the drill. Up or down? Men leave it up; women want it left down. On the surface, this debate has to do with how men and women pee. Men stand; women sit; hence the debate. But I suspect something else is going on. This revelation came to me while I was watching an Australian ad for a bathroom cleaner in which the husbands and sons of the households are shown apologizing with rather guilty looks on their faces. One male after another saying "I'm sorry," "I didn't mean it," you get the picture. The female voiceover makes it clear that this ad is directed at women.

Suddenly the epiphany - these men are apologizing for pissing all over the place, and the ad is based on the assumption that the mothers/wives of the world will be the ones cleaning the misses!!! You've come a long way baby! So now we know the real reason women want the seat left down. Men, if you are really committed to your "up" position, learn to do two things: (1) pee accurately, and (2) clean up your own messes. The essential problem is that the male philosophy of peeing in the toilet is very much like playing horseshoes – just getting close is usually good enough.

So women need to change the game. Men like games so this will be easy. Women, if you want to improve your husband’s aim, think archery. Just put one of those mesh targets with the rubber suction cups in the bottom of the toilet. You know, Bull’s eye = 50 points. They actually have these things; you can order them on-line. Post the rules on the wall nearby. Bull’s eye = 50 points; 25 bonus points for a 5-second stream in the scoring area; 50 points for a 10-second stream. Lose 100 points for peeing outside the scoring area!!! Then just hang a score board over the commode so the men in your life can compete with one another. Keep track of high scores, personal bests, house records. Solve the problem just like that!