Training the Perfect House Husband

There are many complex reasons for the "glass ceiling" that prevents women from attaining the highest positions in public and private institutions, but one of the most obvious impediments to female careers is that men don't do anywhere near their fair share around the house. Fathers seem to be the worst offenders. One Australian study estimated that the average dad spends roughly one minute per day looking after his own children! Now don't get me wrong, I'm sure it's a "quality" minute, but this just doesn't seem to be anywhere near good enough. If women are doing all the housework and childcare, there simply isn't as much time to devote to their careers.

So here are a few tips for women who want their men to be a little more helpful at home. Next time he bothers to lift a finger, to do any little thing at all no matter how trivial, tell him he did a good job – even if he didn’t. Lie!! Practice in the mirror. Here’s the thing, if you encourage him he’ll do it again, AND he’ll get better. OF COURSE he’ll get better! It’s not rocket science. Give me enough time and bananas and I can teach a monkey how to do the laundry properly!

If encouragement doesn’t work, try this. It's especially good if you've got young children. Call up your girlfriends and plan a trip for the weekend; someplace far, far away. But don’t tell him anything – until he comes home from work on Friday. Then just say, “Honey, I’m off to the airport”, and go!!! Better yet, make sure the fridge and pantry are empty and the house is a complete mess. Men live like pigs anyway, so he’ll feel right at home! Yeah, throw him into the deep end of the pool and see if the poor bastard can learn to swim. My guess is that he can – and he will – he’ll have to.

If that doesn’t work, here’s another neat trick you can try. First, buy a full-body leather suit with metal spikes and a proper, circus-quality, lion-taming whip. Don’t worry, all the leading department stores have them, in the Dominatrix Sexual Role Play Department. Then Monday morning, before he wakes up, ring his boss and say “I’m sorry by my husband is too sick to go to work today.” Then dress up in the leather suit, walk into the bedroom, and crack the whip in his ear. Tell him YOU’RE the boss today, and you’ve got lots of little jobs for him to do!!!

Any way you approach it you’ll find that your man will get better at housework over time. But here’s the catch, the better he gets, the more he’ll do things HIS way. Not the way you would. Let it go! Your reward will be more time to do the things that you want to do, whether it’s working toward that big promotion, or a two-week vacation in Europe.