New Book Due Out in October 2016!

The new book Deconstructing the Man Cave: Why Husbands Don't Do Housework and Wives Never Have Enough Time by Charles Areni challenges the implicit assumptions contemporary society makes about who is responsible for running the family household. Due out in October 2016, Deconstructing the Man Cave encourages wives to give up a little control of domestic activities in order to get more well-deserved breaks from time to time. The woman of the household may not always get exactly what she wants when he takes over, but she will get more time for herself and her career - a fair trade for both spouses.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Training the Perfect House Husband


There are many complex reasons for the "glass ceiling" that prevents women from attaining the highest positions in public and private institutions, but one of the most obvious impediments to female careers is that men don't do anywhere near their fair share around the house. Fathers seem to be the worst offenders. One Australian study estimated that the average dad spends roughly one minute per day looking after his own children! Now don't get me wrong, I'm sure it's a "quality" minute, but this just doesn't seem to be anywhere near good enough. If women are doing all the housework and childcare, there simply isn't as much time to devote to their careers.
So here are a few tips for women who want their men to be a little more helpful at home. Next time he bothers to lift a finger, to do any little thing at all no matter how trivial, tell him he did a good job – even if he didn’t. Lie!! Practice in the mirror. Here’s the thing, if you encourage him he’ll do it again, AND he’ll get better. OF COURSE he’ll get better! It’s not rocket science. Give me enough time and bananas and I can teach a monkey how to do the laundry properly!

If encouragement doesn’t work, try this. It's especially good if you've got young children. Call up your girlfriends and plan a trip for the weekend; someplace far, far away. But don’t tell him anything – until he comes home from work on Friday. Then just say, “Honey, I’m off to the airport”, and go!!! Better yet, make sure the fridge and pantry are empty and the house is a complete mess. Men live like pigs anyway, so he’ll feel right at home! Yeah, throw him into the deep end of the pool and see if the poor bastard can learn to swim. My guess is that he can – and he will – he’ll have to.
If that doesn’t work, here’s another neat trick you can try. First, buy a full-body leather suit with metal spikes and a proper, circus-quality, lion-taming whip. Don’t worry, all the leading department stores have them, in the Dominatrix Sexual Role Play Department. Then Monday morning, before he wakes up, ring his boss and say “I’m sorry by my husband is too sick to go to work today.” Then dress up in the leather suit, walk into the bedroom, and crack the whip in his ear. Tell him YOU’RE the boss today, and you’ve got lots of little jobs for him to do!!!

Any way you approach it you’ll find that your man will get better at housework over time. But here’s the catch, the better he gets, the more he’ll do things HIS way. Not the way you would. Let it go! Your reward will be more time to do the things that you want to do, whether it’s working toward that big promotion, or a two-week vacation in Europe.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Definitely Not a Man's World

As a marketing professor, I tend to look at trends and patterns in the consumer products available in the marketplace. To get a feel for just how much mothers are still associated with caring their families, and how fathers are largely excluded from these kinds of roles, all one has to do is stroll down supermarket aisles.

Now to the women reading this, do not scoff at the notion of a man telling you what it’s like to shop in a supermarket. Remember, I’m a single dad. I shop with a 10-year old and a 6-year old, so I know what “pester power” is like first hand. But women have the advantage (a rather monumental one in my opinion) of knowing that the environment, and damn near every product related to the role of caring for the family has been created for you.

For fathers, the supermarket shelves are an alien place where our particular earth species is not represented or welcomed in any way. Let me validate that last assertion with a little research exercise I conducted a year or so ago. On a trip to the supermarket, I considered all the product categories associated with the role of caregiver. (This excursion did not include the kids. There was no way in hell I was going to deal with pester power, shopping, and conducting a little research at the same time. Is this because, as a man I cannot multi-task?) There were a lot of product categories under this umbrella, but I finally settled on three super categories: cleaning, food preparation, and care of young children. This is central to what the care giver of the house does, though certainly not exhaustive of all the domestic responsibilities it entails. But basically caring for family members involves eliminating dangerous microbes by keeping the household clean, preparing food for the family, and taking care of children.

Within these broad classifications, I then looked only at the front of the package of any product falling into one of these categories and noted whether it featured (a) a woman alone, (b) a woman with a child, (c) a man alone, or (d) a man with a child. Any other package image was deemed irrelevant for my purposes. For example, many of these packages featured, not surprisingly, only children, and in many categories, the majority of the packages were not gendered. I was only interested in the gendered packages, and the percentages reported below reflect that focus. Also, the unit of analysis was the image itself, not the product or the brand. So, for example, it was common for a product line in a given category to feature the same package image on a number of technically different products, for example, different nappy sizes. Such cases only counted once, regardless of how many packages featured the image. It was, however, possible for the same brand to feature different images within the same product line. So a brand might feature three different female images, one for the nappies, one for the nappy wipes, and one for the baby bath wash. This case would count as 3 gendered products, even though they were for the same brand.

The results of this little analysis, I’m afraid, weren’t all that surprising. The cleaning category included laundry products, kitchen cleaners, bathroom cleaners, furniture polish, leather polish, etc., but not personal care products like hand soap, shampoo, or toothpaste. Only things used to clean the house. Of the 14 package images falling into one of the four categories above, 7 featured a woman alone, 6 featured a woman with a child (all laundry products), and 1 featured a man alone. The lone male was depicted on a spray starch product, you know, for ironing cotton clothes to eliminate wrinkles. Now perhaps that lone package was appealing to men as the primary ironers in the household, but I somehow kind of doubt it. Instead, I think the message was far more insidious. The cartoon male on the package was wearing a sharp, indeed nicely ironed, dress shirt. The package, in essence, was telling each housewife to use this product on her husband’s dress shirts, so he’ll look really spiffy in the office, thus getting that promotion that the two of you want so much. Arguably then, all 14 cleaning packages were ‘gendered’ by being aimed at women, and in any case, 13 directly depicted women as the care giver in that domain.

What about child care products? Again, here we have mainly nappies and toddler pull ups, as well as related products like nappy wipes, baby powder, baby oil, baby shampoo, well you get the picture. Once again we get a clean sweep. All 13 products falling into the above categories in fact fell into just one category – women with children. When it comes to caring for young children, supermarket brands are unanimous that this task falls to mothers not fathers. The cooking products were only slightly less skewed. Here the product was either a raw cooking ingredient (e.g., flour, sugar, baking powder), a spice (e.g., cinnamon, oregano, cumin, parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme), or cooking equipment (e.g., blender, slow cooker, toaster, etc.). Twenty cooking products had gendered packaging. Of these, 14 featured a woman only, 3 featured a woman with a child, 1 featured a man only, and 2 featured a man with a child. Interestingly, the 3 packages featuring men were all store brands. Does this mean that retailers are more PC than food manufacturers?

The Toilet Seat Problem: Revisited

You know the drill. Up or down? Men leave it up; women want it left down. On the surface, this debate has to do with how men and women pee. Men stand; women sit; hence the debate. But I suspect something else is going on. This revelation came to me while I was watching an Australian ad for a bathroom cleaner in which the husbands and sons of the households are shown apologizing with rather guilty looks on their faces. One male after another saying "I'm sorry," "I didn't mean it," you get the picture. The female voiceover makes it clear that this ad is directed at women.

Suddenly the epiphany - these men are apologizing for pissing all over the place, and the ad is based on the assumption that the mothers/wives of the world will be the ones cleaning the misses!!! You've come a long way baby! So now we know the real reason women want the seat left down. Men, if you are really committed to your "up" position, learn to do two things: (1) pee accurately, and (2) clean up your own messes. The essential problem is that the male philosophy of peeing in the toilet is very much like playing horseshoes – just getting close is usually good enough.

So women need to change the game. Men like games so this will be easy. Women, if you want to improve your husband’s aim, think archery. Just put one of those mesh targets with the rubber suction cups in the bottom of the toilet. You know, Bull’s eye = 50 points. They actually have these things; you can order them on-line. Post the rules on the wall nearby. Bull’s eye = 50 points; 25 bonus points for a 5-second stream in the scoring area; 50 points for a 10-second stream. Lose 100 points for peeing outside the scoring area!!! Then just hang a score board over the commode so the men in your life can compete with one another. Keep track of high scores, personal bests, house records. Solve the problem just like that!